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Wild Apple Leaf Lyme and Arthritis Relief


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Day 96 – Understanding Engineers

1)

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said: ‘Where did you get such a great bike?’

The other one replied: ‘Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman came riding on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said: ‘Take what you want.’

Nodding approvingly, the first student responded with: ‘Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.’

2)
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3)
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed: ‘What’s the matter with those chaps? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!’

The doctor chimed in: ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept players!’

The priest remarked: ‘Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.’ And turning to him, he said: ‘Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’

‘Oh, yes,’ the green-keeper replied. ‘That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play free of charge at any time.’

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said: ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’

The doctor said: ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.’

And the engineer added to that: ‘Why don’t they play at night?’

4)
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Sad, but true!

5)
A graduate with a science degree asks: ‘Why does it work?’

A person with an engineering degree asks: ‘How does it work?’

Yet another one who has an accounting degree asks: ‘How much does it cost?’

And a graduate with an arts degree may want to know: ‘Do you want fries with that?’

6)
Three engineering students were discussing who might have designed the human body. The first one said: ‘It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.’

The second one replied: ‘No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.’

‘Ah,’ the third one suggested after a moment’s pause: ‘I think it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste pipeline through a recreational area?’

7)
Ordinary folks think that if something isn’t broken one doesn’t fix it.

Engineers, however, believe that if something isn’t broken, it may not yet have enough features.

Eight)
One day an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him: ‘If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.’

Bending over, the man picked up the frog and without saying a word put it in his pocket. The frog cried: ‘If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.’

The engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked the frog. I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?’

‘Look here,’ replied the man, ‘I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that’s really cool. I’m going to keep you.’

lulz! Tro0 Story! 😉 An oldie but still fzckin’ funny nonetheless…


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Day 94: Now just a Cotton Pickin’ Second Here…

An’ What is a cotton pickin’ second? It implies a pause in the Cotton Harvest of some sort to Reflect. How did we wind up as slaves pickin’ cotton on this Plantation Earth anyways?

Much has been said about the alien species found on the ISS in late August. What if in fact we are the aliens put here to pick cotton, mine gold, dig for oil and gas, make petrochemicals, produce refined metals, and so forth? What if we are simply their meat bots, and Lyme Disease is simply a symptom of them drivin’ it like they PWN’d it? What if they really want us to smoke a phattie, an’ forget about this whole line of reasoning, ‘an get back to work? Well, they’re busted. Quick! Hide the Stash! No… wait a sec… He said he was a Joker an’ a Smoker an’ a

Moreover what about thinking about the fact that we can even think? That is how I wound up here, in this line of reasoning anyways. Theoretical Physics. What about Theoretical Metaphysics? They say it is Magic or Loopy or Quackery… Interesting how people easily dismiss things they cannot understand. If the slave bot designer could talk, he would probably point out, “Hey… That’s not a Bug! That’s a Feature!!!” It is a pretty lonely club here at this point. There aren’t too many people here. In fact, there are a lot more animals even in my own neighborhood than people in the world at this point. That’s why I welcomed the lil’ space co0ties. At least they have half a brain already apparently! Just Think about it. They have solved the whole surviving without atmosphere, water, heat/cold of space mitigation, and size to store their souls. I think we have a candidate for the Nanomachines that Designed Us!!!

At this point people want to know where I get whatEVAH it is that I am smokin’, but in fact I am not “on anything,” which reminds me I have to make some more coffee… BRB… K, I’m Back… Page Two! as the late great Paul Harvey says… I plagiarize because I am an Engineer. I can’t spell. I can’t write. I am socially r3tar+3d! Proved it last night at Halloween. There was a witch at our table. She was dressed up as *something* too. I am pretty sure it was an Ugly Whore. Oh, it wasn’t a mask? Thanks… I’ll be here all week… But I digress…

Psychiatrists have designed a whole science to explain away other intelligent species. They have a New Book to explain it more so Everybody is Crazy. This is convenient should one ever walk in the door between tee times at Royal Bahamas G&CC. Id. Ego. Super-Ego. Nobody has Psi Capabilities. You must be *certified* by them. Then you can miraculously have psi. This is actually convenient for me and my shrink, retired from the Canadian Military. We have a mutual understanding and struck a deal. I won’t throw them all in Jail forever, and they won’t disclose what they got with the Sodium Pentathol, Capiche? Besides, I obviously have bigger fish to fry. I hope she can come down to study at my hospital, if even for just a visit. I had/have a terrible crush on her. “At ease, soldier!” Heh. Easy for YOU to say, ma’am. Sigh… I think she was a General… 1st Heartbreaker Battalion Whips an’ Chains Brigade… ❤

I can see the Biofilm continues to try and change the topic. So I struck a deal with them also. I won’t kill all of them, and we will exchange technologies. This has been very productive so far.  Now we just have to get them out of YOU! Don’t worry. We know how to make it a mutually beneficial parting of ways. You can try an alternative, but you will wind up dead. They have defence mechanisms you would not even dream of yet! All painful and according to them that is the only way for them to survive is to kill you getting out. That is until they met Me. It’s up to you. That’s “Tuum Est” in Latin. And how did we get HERE!? Believe it or not, one chemical: Glyphosate. Then more chemicals mixed in, and Viola! Jimmy Page’s Bow, an’ We’re all gonna die horribly! Trust me… I’ve astro-travelled ahead (or I can put two and two together and model into the future) and have seen the results… So I wrote a song or two an’ put the bug in their ear back here! 😉