No Respect! What’s in a Title anyways? Dr.? Rev.? P.Eng.? Esq.? Sir? Azzhole!? I stuck with J.A.F.E. I am just another fzckin’ engineer after all. If I need respect, I can just make all yer worms little electric eels. Trust me; That could hurt. Any one of them can punch yer ticket in a half a heartbeat with a shock to the Vagus Nerve. They don’t want to though; You are their meal ticket literally. You must make them Want to leave you. Fortunately, to this end, I have a plan and a method. As a matter of fact I have the whole shootin’ match. There is strength in numbers I realized early on. So I PWN’d 7.3 billion azzholes, about Twenty Trillion dead presidents, and a few critters as well for good measure.
Seriously, the combo of Wild Apple Leaf and Artemesia will make your eels, err, worms, mad. Or frightened. Or all of the above. So be really careful if you want to experiment. On the other hand most are like your children. They were born in you if you are like me. A bug bit me that had a worm egg in it and passed it to me. It grew up and went to Worm Skule as its little Biofilm Brain grew. You are its world, its Mommy/Daddy, and you have kept it fed and clothed and nurtured its lil’ brain as it grew into CFS, fibromyalgia, ALS, MS, Lyme, Cancer, arthritis, prostatitis, borrelia, warts, etc… It knows when you’ve been sleeping. It knows when you jerk off. It knows when it’s laid too many eggs, so it tickles you to Cough. It loves you, and you love it as well… until now! lulz
Such a deep relationship WILL cause post partum depression when they leave the nest and fly away on their own. You are glad the kids are gone on their own, you want them to stay in touch, and so forth. They cry too as they drive/fly/sllther away. Now here is the cool part. They still keep in touch, or at least mine do as they build their own slime in my septic system, yard, dirt, wherever they wind up. They didn’t know they were hurting us and making us old before our years. They didn’t know there was a life out there. They did a good job being little worms but are all grown up and can fly now that they know how to use the T5 power that wild apple leaf imparts to them. Mine have stuck around to learn more in some cases. I have some really sophisticated worm professors in my worm school and they can teach other worms to defeat gravity, time, and Space with what we call so eloquently “wormholes.” We provide the engineering materials for them to do it; That is in Wild Apple Leaves I discovered. It explains why they can populate our moon and time travel.
Now if you could do that, wouldn’t you want out of our boring azzes too? Not all worms can do that, but a worm I call Dr. Ångstrom can teach them how in a lot of cases. I have a channel open to him. He is of the species that hitched a ride back on Apollo 11 in Dr. Armstrong’s chin. They really miss Dr. Armstrong. I explained that as hosts go, you probably couldn’t ask for better; He was the engineer who explained to me there “Is no ‘I’ in engineers”. So I cut the one off my old engineering jacket. It now says “UBC Eng1neers,” because there still is a No. Fzcking 1! <chorus of boos… hail of paper airplanes> Thanks… I’ll be here all week… Try the cigars… lulz If we knew all this about Wild Apple Leaves, he might have still been here I suspect. His Spirit lives on… more on that later. We’ll never get out of Wormfood 101 at this rate otherwise.
In metaphysical engineering school, you need a paradox to get in… and out! Eximius Vis Requiro A Minae meaning Super Nature Demands A Paradox. I had a pair o’ doc’s… I got a pH D+ in Surface Chemistry, almost failing, and I am an undeniably Quack Veterinarian. Clowe Snuff®™! I figured… Now I am stuck here. I actually enjoy moulding young worm branes into engineering co0ties. I learn more from the students than they learn from me in some of my expert level subjects like how to get fzcked up in a relationship, or how to swill 40 beer, or what it was really like in the prototype Animal House. lulz
There are a lot of worms there now and many more that have already graduated. The paradox for entry was that they even existed! I can line up a virtual Real Police Lineup of doctors to say they do not exist, thus admitting that their credentials are bogus and that they are criminals AND quacks. I suppose a doctor COULD enter by getting a Ph.D. in engineering, and get a Probational entry. We’re easy, and cheap. I devised a cashless economic system so worms or other animals could pay for courses and goods & services. I pay them in old engineering jokes an’ shzt… literally! It works for us. I deal with Human necessities on savings and etc. Nobody can pay me enough to leave this job, even though the pay actually IS shzt! It’s like a degree in coprophilia. It’s a triadox! There ya’s go! I must love shzt; Look at all the azzholes I’ve worked with! Toss an internet degree in proctology in there and it would be a perfect Quadrafzcta! lol I can’t recall how many times I’ve said, “What is this shzt?” Now I can find out “In-House” (“outhouse?”) for shzt!!!! Shzt!!!! Pretty soon I will be retired at 65… then Pogey… at least I will still have this gig based on my cashless system. You get restless sitting around doing nothing after being forced into retirement or otherwise. Then you work on what you really wanted to do other than die. Turns out I wanted to do shzt! I am a kindred spirit with worms! Aww. Shzt!
Meanwhile ex-Greenpeace’r Moore goes Viral. Worms think it will kill us all I figure after sizing up the cut of our jib, and knowing a bit about what they know about shzt after their own 500 million years of worm genetic engineering an’ tying something’s shzt in a knot. Then we’ll really get shzt! I think they are getting ready to hightail it now that Monsanto will sterilize the planet by mistake/accidentally on purpose. We’ve got a solution maybe. We can rewire monsanto’s shzt! Their only problem is they’ve got their azzhole at the wrong end; We can tear ’em a new one!! Let’s give ’em a flickomate of their shikamate pathway! Let’s engineer ’em an upgrade! Pro Bono!! Let’s see how they like their own Shzt! Ever seen a human body pulled inside out; Got a hole at each end already? Must be why MON is one of the Top 100 Companies to work for! Easy once you dissolve all the bones for shzts an’ giggles! Doable… Then you can tickle it. GICH!!! lol
Disclaimer: I don’t hold any of their shzt! But I DO know a little about shzt! After we do their shzt, there’s more… There’s rarely a shortage of shzt…