To be bestowed this predigious Title, (which I just pulled outta my azz,) certain strict preconditions must be met. 1.) You can’t be a Doctor. 2.) The medical system where you reside must actually be so horrifically broken and malfunctional, corrupt and above the law, any sane concept of law, that people would trust you MORE if you were actually NOT a doctor, and 3.) you actually cured something…. anything! It is a Doctor, with an asterisk, and the exclamation/affiliation “Trust Me, I’m Not A Doctor!” It is distinct from normal sawbones in that they do not have an asterisk. I am actually a Two Asterisk Dr.Dr. which is a little over the top, so just Dr.* will do between friends…
I couldn’t have done it without help. Dr. Neil Armstrong (Aeronautical Engineering) pointed out there were 400,000 engineers involved in the space program while on the way back from the moon with the first rocks. There are easily that much slime in Canada involved in this one. From the douchebags at Health Canada orchestrating an insurance fraud rivalling large US concerns but ultimately trashing them, to everybody looking the other way over a massive HAZMAT fzckup weedkiller laced food supply ONLY responsible for killing 91% of the cells in a human, to the single digit IQ morons denying wifi internet access in hospitals, their prints are all over this one. They are ALL responsible in their own little way. For that, they should all wear it proudly as a badge, nay Scarlet Letter of disgrace, tattooed in their foreheads. Waste of ink. Maybe instead sew a donor azzhole there.
“You can’t believe everything you read on the internet!” they all exclaim, neglecting the fact all their medical texts are readily available on the internet. There is even more promising research available there. These clowns are obviously going nowhere with all the money. They will test you till you die ignoring weedkiller, which is Failure 1 in any sham they can call clinical testing. Once they discover that supermarkets are stocked floor to ceiling with it, it will be too late. It is that way already. They are dancing in the streets in Europe and elsewhere. “Vinally, got ze dumbkopf baztards. All heil Monzanto! Iran vill take care of Ze Jo0z viss ze Amerikaner Schwine pooshin’ up ze Daisies!! Ve have Ze Deal!!!”
You can’t make this shzt up! Hollywood has tried and failed. They irony is that we can all see the ending coming and can’t stop it! The Plot is, We’ve had a hazardous waste “spill” in the supermarket. The evil corporation bribes their way out of it, and the schmucks EAT it! So what’s the hook? EVERYBODY does that anyways, right?? Government agencies are on top of that, right? Wrong. They’re on top of shzt, being so fat, lazy, and money grubbing that they missed it… Everything from Twinkies to Tortillas. The entire food supply. Reality has become too far fetched to pass the Hollywood Plausibility Test. You can be greedy, incompetent, OR evil, but not all three at the same time. That’s crappin’ a little too close to the cabin for the bureaucrat union’s liking. And the merchandising; How ya gonna put a Rubber Dogshzt Toy in the cereal when it is all REALLY shzt anyways?
Bruce Willis ain’t gonna do shzt about this one. Moreover, why cure anything when we’re all gonna starve or wretch to death? Nobody caught ’em pizzin’ in the gene pool attached to the drinking water. Isn’t that just a fitting ending anyways? Well, at least there is an interesting takeaway in that little worms are fleeing your body. They know you are pretty much toast, and they’ve been comfy with you since Eve ate the wormy apple. At least do the Wild Apple Leaf thing for them, po’ lil’ critters.
It is interesting that people will care more for pets than they do each other. They will revel in the knowledge and satisfaction that everybody else but them is gonna be poisoned. That is what drove me into the quack veterinary pseudosciences. Some people have goldfish; I have pet worms, OK? lulz Woe befall Monsanto for EVAH fzckin’ with THEM! They show up every morning with the slimy paper in their coils, and give unconditional love. Give ’em a lil’ scratch between the antennae and they’re friends for life. I miss them like watching the kids take off to university. They have a special bond that doesn’t let go it seems, and will always remain a piece of you, as you surely do with them too. Wild Apple Leaves are a bit of tough love that way, but you just have to believe it is for the better. I felt better every single day personally. Fly, little worms, fly! <sniff, sniff>
It looks like the trees are starting to wake up down south. Only my cherries have started to bud out here. Give them time. You know what we say here; May showers bring June flowers, in Canada. But how the hell do these lil’ things fly? I have no idea, but I do know they must have somehow solved gravity. Weirder still is some will summon a ride from a mouse or squirrel like a taxicab. It will run up to you, stop a couple feet away to pick up the flying worm and its bags, turn tail, and highball with the fare. It’s one of life’s little Worm Mysteries how d’heck they can even call on a mouse in the first place. “Yeah, parkin’ lot… I’ll be in the tall skinny azzhole! An’ keep yer distance… He knows how to use those cowboy boots!” Turns out they’re useful for more than dealing with an ant in the corner. Who knew? What can I say?
Maybe Apple Leaves give worms WeeFee. It somehow lights up wormnet. It isn’t encrypted either. I mean, what are the odds somebody would actually eat the leaves off an apple tree, let alone eavesdrop on them? Next up some dumb azzed three letter agency will schedule it and tax it, or bring down the FCC for WormNet Neutrality. Good thing the operation is not only out of this world; It is also out of this universe! Tesla would be laughing his azz off. Only a few people in like 6,000 years may have eaten apple leaves, and even then, it was a passing fad. Johnny Appleseed kept a tin lid on it, but stuck to the program, planting the lil’ trees everywhere. This time I have a hunch they are here to stay… and now you know why the Caduceus has two worms wrapped around it. PWN+! Rod of Asclepius or Caduceus, we’re gonna give ’em the Shaft! lulz