In the Oil Patch, that’s how it usually started. You were obviously busier than a one armed paper hanger with crabz, but they asked anyway. Some people thought that because you were at a computer, it couldn’t be work. I had 4 monitors full of open spreadsheets, maps on the go, an entire half baked survey with 50-100,000 points in progress, 20 GPS’s waiting to be D/L’d and reloaded, and they still asked. Not wanting to come up with some appropriate witty response like, “Are you that fzckin’ blind, or stupid, or both?” I bit my lip and would say, “What have you got?” You never know. I could maybe slide it in before they dragged me off to a rubber hotel, drooling, blubbering my lips, an’ pizzin’ my pants. I’d only been awake for 23 hours until then… let’s go for the full enchilda. “Aww, I just need 30 maps for morning… nothing that big… just the West End.” The West End had about 1000 pipelines and roads coming into a huge processing plant in the middle of it… nothing that big. The 40 powerlines and NEB 13 pipeline right of way feeding Deadmonton from Ft. McMurray slicing through the whole fzckin’ mess was just a kicker… But I digress.
I swore I would never get that bogged down again, but I have done it to myself. I have that report about all this crap, and I am trying to get included in the USP-HMC for the next edition with Wild Apple leaves. I brought it on myself. People are dying out there I figure. I had better get a move on because what we have is working, and we know nothing else is, and moreover we found out why. It’s the Nematodes. They’ll just keep re-infecting you and hiding all snug under snot where your drugs and bat’s wings can’t touch them, ready to build a whole new batch of spirochetes in few heartbeats. Moreover, they’ll make it tougher this time so you will have a harder time next time. Some bug will bite you and the whole mess starts all over again at zero. Now we know how to mop up the biofilm so they really start at zero, because they’ll just use what ever is left. All while this is going on I have to pause and scratch another worm exit nit on my back. Ahhhggggh! <hacks up an’ spits out another huge biofilm loogie>
I got some more Type II Pectin Enzyme today, but it turns out the big packs are the same as Type I. I bought up their remaining Type II little packs. We’ll phone the distributor Monday or Tuesday to get to the bottom of it. Type II produces a soapy glycerol tasting less chunky phlegm. The two together are really moving the biofilm out in gobs now. I no longer fear the snotterboard reaper with this stuff. It could be Type I is maltodextrose matrix, while Type II is cane sucrose matrix. It is that colour of tan, which raises the glyphosate drying agent risk question too.
It turns out that if I am not up to my azz in alligators, I’m not happy. Call it masochism. I’ve been so miserable for so long, I’ll have to get used to it. Being happy that is. I’m already fine with misery. I guess it makes me know I am alive. I’ve really got to learn to chill out a bit. It’s an arthritis thing partly, but now doing the whole USP thing with the leaves, ahh, there’s a replacement therapy if there ever was one. I got started on it when I dug into a local mine that produces diatomaceous earth. It has the most famous low silica diatomaceous earth in the world, Red Lake Earth. I thought Red Lake was a puddle by Kamloops. They are in the Food Compendium Codex for animal feed, USP, but as an anticaking agent and flow aid. It is also a natural insecticide. I had to phone the nice lady at Absorbent Products down the road to ask her where to get it, because you can get it in all 50 states, but they said fzck Canada. They do have a national distributor it turns out; Home Hardware. She said “Where the fzck are you??” I said Sorrento. “Oh, all Home Hardware’s have it, dumbazz!” I could tell she was a local. Call it my finely honed amateur detective skills. “Yeah, no shzt, Sherlock!!!”
You can’t advertise anything for Lyme Disease in Canada or they will say you are nuts. Never mind the fact we have the highest bug density in the world. There is miraculously no Lyme Disease! All those people who got diagnosed in the US must have got it there. Meanwhile, I am still looking for a tester who isn’t positive for Apple Leaf Nematode expulsion. I’ll just have to come up with a new name for what ever the hell this is. “Co0ties” doesn’t really impart the seriousness of the condition. How about “The Canadian Maple Slurpin’ Beaver Humpin’ Hockey Playin’ Co0ties?” Or the more apt and eyebrow raising, “Disgraced Doctor Denial Disease?” That’s 4D alliteration… Catchy… How about, “West Denial Virus!?”
The purpose of Wild Apple Leaves is at least three fold then. It is a useful anthelmintic, and useful antiviral agent for the detection and treatment of WDV, fraudulent healthcare practitioners, and The Common Cold. That’ll touch off the USP.org firestorm I’m lookin’ for. lulz