Back to the smoking recovery. Still smoke free today. Had a slip with a cigar, but hated it. The guilt weighed on me heaviest. I had been doing so well for ten days. Then kablooie, but it was just a few puffs, and stubbed it out. I was drinking some blackberry wine at the time. Co dependencies, alcohol and tobacco/licorice. I didn’t go to my earworm to stave off the craving. I failed.
Now I know it wasn’t a good experience at all. Bad taste. Numbing buzz. The new thing is that I really do not like it any more, and more than I thought. The taste and feeling aren’t even good when you strip it all down. That is the hold of nicotine, that it draws you in even when it tastes bad and gives a bad feeling. After smoking a while though, the nicotine fix outweighs all the negatives. Scary.
Lyme disease is scary too. Multiple Sclerosis is reported to be just a symptom of Lyme Disease. That does not mean it is easy, but it means more that Lyme is not easy. I found it is as complex as all the bug stings and bites you had all your life. They all add up. There was no treatment for it here. We are left on our own, and moreover, they never told us. Instead they just cancelled all our insurance and never told us.
Back to depression and feeling of hopelessness. I can’t shake it but I know it is from quitting smoking. Just smoking will make me more depressed. There. Had my first nicorrette of the day at 9 PM. It helped a bit, but the big picture is you are abandoned by medicine and no help facing chronic Lyme alone. I don’t know what will become of me, on the eve of Lyme Day, May 1. I’ve been chronic ACA 24 years since May 3, 1992. There is no cure. I’ve been trying. Apple tree bark helps if you can get it. The leaves smoke out all these little worms, whatever they are. Nobody wants to know. Here is what we face. I have tried to get the word out, and especially with the apple leaf nematodes, because nobody knows about that.
That is all well and good, but after a year and 3/4 now, we are still here at square one. World Lyme Day will come and go again. This year they finally discovered filarial nematodes in MS autopsies, and that is what I have been seeing drill out alive. Since then, they have also discovered a new unknown lymphatic drainage system to the brain through the spine. They still cannot explain what I have gone through, and what I continue to go through, with new infected insect bites and stings. There was also a new Borrelia species found by the Mayo Clinic, B. mayonii. I wonder what nematode goes with that? They are so far behind, they think they are ahead.
They are still spinning their wheels. It is depressing. They missed the whole thing. If that is the case with the vanguard of science regarding this, you would be scared of them too. They truly have no idea about all the nematode parasites that I have skunked out over 641 Days here.